Discovery Child Development Center - Preschool located in Morrisville
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Outdoor Fun During the Spring and Summer - Episode 39

4/19/2018

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Benefits of Daily Outside
  • Great stress relief for everyone in family
  • Can help children refocus
  • Great parenting tool - kid more cooperative, get ready faster after
  • Can do many of the things you already do outside
  • Gift that helps parents and children
  • Can make ordinary things seem more fun
  • Great way to bond with child


Encouraging Children to Get Outside
  • Open ended questions spark curiosity and interests
  • Can act their imagination
  • Can stop by a new playground
  • Outdoor props by door. ex. Bike and helmet by the door
  • Have toys dedicated to outside ex. special truck
  • Find what child likes and then suggest they go outside and play ex. I am going outside with a soccer ball now if you want to join me
  • Do not always need to have a big plan, kids can take the lead and you can start exploring together
Getting Started With Gardening
  • Can let children take the lead
  • Make it a big science experiment
  • Sugar snap peas are sweet to eat and fun to watch grow. Seeds sprout in 3-7 days
  • Could put them in a cup and moist newspaper and put pea seed on either side
  • Lettuce is easier to grow
  • Need full sun every day for vegetables
  • Need to water every day
  • Make sure their is a drainage hole
  • Container gardening is good option for people just getting started
  • Peas can be planted in 40 or 50 degree weather
  • Things that don’t grow can be a good learning experience
  • Kids love to pull weeds
  • Good way to get children to try new foods
Going Outside in the Rain
  • Helps to have rain gear
  • Place towels by the door
  • Time it - Can go right before bath
Favorite Spring Activities
  • Find a new path or playground
  • take a nature walk
  • Create an adventure book
  • Build a fort
  • Use your scenes to take in sights and sounds
Magic Bag
  • Keep one handy for summer with things that get kids excited to go outside
  • Can be something new or special
  • Can put items such as deflated beach ball, sidewalk chalk, bubbles
  • Have a surprise that is outdoor related
Extending Learning Activity
  • Embrace concept that you are learning outside
  • Children become their own storytellers
  • PJ’s Backyard Adventures Books
  • Children like to write about outdoor adventures at school


Links:
Fifteen Minutes Outside: 365 Ways to Get Out of the House and Connect with Your Kids
Be Outside and Grow Website
PJ's Backyard Adventures
​Curiosity Cards App





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Raising a Bilingual Child - Episode 37 with Adam Beck

3/22/2018

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Benefits of Raising a Child Bilingual
  • Spend time bonding with child
  • Can communicate with extended family 
  • Future professional opportunity
  • Social opportunities
  • Can pass the language abilities to future generations

Common Challenges
  • Parents can underestimate what the challenges are
  • Need to provide sufficient language exposure
  • When child grows they will hear a lot more of the majority language
  • Can be hard to find time to give them adequate language exposure

Different Approaches
  • Research study found following results for success rates using different approaches:
  • 1) Both parents used only minority language at home had success rate of 96.92
  • 2) One parent uses minority language and other parent uses both languages success rate 93.4%
  • 3) Both parents use both language 79.18 percent
  • 4) One parent uses majority language and other uses minority language 74.2%
  • 5) One parent uses both languages and the other uses just majority language 35.70%
  • One parent one language can have lower success rate if the minority language parent does not spend enough time with the child speaking the language
  • Lack of success acquiring a second language usually result from lack of exposure and lack of need to use the language
  • Have to match circumstances to aims

Habits and Routines to Develop Language Skills
  • Read to child
  • Play games
  • Online conversations with websites like italkie
  • Can have homestay guests who speak target language
  • Au-Pair can live with family
  • Older playmates and tutors can engage with child in language weekly
  • Find playgroups in target language
  • Play music in target languages
  • Find wordless picture books - can narrate stories, explore pictures, will work with any language
  • Need steady stream of quality resources in target language
  • Cooperative Board Games are great for developing language

Supporting Children at School
  • Children will learn majority language through exposure and grow quickly
  • While they are acquiring the language can receive additional support such as tutor they visit, having time at home when they read in the language they are acquiring
  • Giving teachers a list of words in the language they speak at home to help the child in the classroom communicate basic needs

Maximize Your Child's Bilingual Ability
Bilingual Monkeys: Ideas and inspiration for raising bilingual kids (without going bananas)
The Bilingual Zoo: A lively online community for parents of bilingual & multilingual kids

Cooperative Games
​
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Speech and Language Development - Episode 35

2/21/2018

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Differences Between Language and Speech
  • Speech is the physical act of how you move your mouth to produce sound
  • Can you be understood?
  • Encompasses syntax - how you are putting words together to make complete sentences
  • Language is a larger component
  • How am I communicating what is in my head
  • Receptive language and expressive language
  • Social pragmatic language - how are we using language with peers with adults
Milestones
  • 18 month old 5-25 words typically spoken
  • Starting to talk and wanting to imitate
  • 2 year old have an increase in single word development
  • Should be imitating and labeling words
  • Can point things out
  • More intent when speaking
  • 3 year old should have more advanced sentence development
  • Able to answer more questions, state actions ex. I ran up the slide
  • 4-5 year olds have more advanced vocabulary
  • Put 4-5 words together

Role of Parents
  • Play a huge role in language development
  • How much language is child exposed to?
  • Is there a lot of modeling at home?
  • TV and iPad cannot replace human interaction. Need the back and forth turn taking

Developing Sounds
  • phonological process
  • Slowly develop sounds over time including p b d t by age 2
  • Each year add on more sounds
  • By age 8 should have all their sounds
  • Saying "tookie" for "cookie" at 2 is developmentally appropriate
  • A 3 year old that is not able to say s r or l is not usually a red flag
  • By age 2, should understand 50 to 60 percent of what a child says
  • By 4-5, 80 to 90 percent should be understood

Modeling
  • Should not constantly correct a child's speech
  • Answer the correct way ex. oh you want a cookie
  • Do not use baby talk
  • Give child time to get out what they are trying to say. They often need more time to process and express what they would like to communicate

Learning Multiple Languages
  • Advancing vocabulary at a different rate
  • Number of words they learn can be at a different rate
  • Code switching can take time ex. one language spoken at home and one at school
  • Consistency in how you are using language helps
  • Articulation is different from language to language
  • If there are concerns, should look if they are stronger in one language
  • If they are struggling in both languages, may be a concern
  • Would want to test in language they hear the most
  • Bilingual children usually catch up quickly and many benefits to being bilingual

Seeking Evaluations
  • See what your insurance company covers
  • Under the age 3 can go through children 's development service agency - they help you find therapists at a reduced cost
  • Older than 3, start with pediatrician and then search for speech therapist
  • Some will do a consultation and you can see if services are needed and if it is a good match
  • Socially can be harder to start therapy when the child is older
  • Children can get frustration if they cannot communicate how they are feeling
  • Can also make it hard to socialize with other children
  • Therapy early sets them up for success early
  • Therapy with preschoolers is often play-based
  • Depending on severity intervention could be a few months to a few years

Show and Tell
  • Make sure you give child plenty of opportunities to communicate
  • Even if you know what they want, offer them two things so they have to communicate what they want
  • Get down to their level and play with your child
  • Read with your child

Holly Springs Feeding and Speech
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Surviving the Toddler Years - Episode 34

2/7/2018

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Preparing for challenges of having toddlers
  • Challenging when children learn they can say no
  • Technology is a newer challenges for today’s parents
  • Benefits of technology, but many drawbacks as well
  • Can be difficult to take technology away
  • Toddlers are smart and can pick up on things quickly
Toddler Proofing Your House
  • Some children need more child proofing than others
  • Identify what type of child you have and then prep home accordingly
  • Put valuable things high and out of reach
  • Toddlers often ruin things, so may want to wait to purchase things like couches and other furniture
  • Stain repellant paint on walls can be really helpful
Challenging Situations
Outings to the stores
  • Have a plan before going out to the store
  • Try to keep outings shorter to prevent meltdowns
  • Take snacks, toys and books with you when you need to get things done
  • Avoid potential danger areas like candy and toy aisle 
  • Having children get something each trip to the store can lead to bigger problems down the road
Restaurants
  • Bring snacks
  • Order their food soon after sitting
  • Go to quieter house
  • If going with a partner, have a plan for who will be with toddler if they are having a hard time
Visiting Relatives
  • Homes of relatives are not usually toddler proofed
  • Ask if you can relocated valuables and decorations that are within reach
  • Toddlers sometimes will want to show guests everything and need to help them monitor time
Preparing for School
  • Expose them to other children before starting
  • Go to the park, indoor play places, story hour to meet other children
  • Classes like art or gymnastics can help children learn to listen to other adults, especially when other children are around
  • Have realistic expectations for them, children that age usually play next to other children rather than with them
  • Practice having them wait their turn
How to Keep from Being Overwhelmed
  • Take things day by day
  • Find other parents of toddlers to commiserate with
  • Need a support group whether in neighborhood or online to give honest advice and vent to without judgement
  • Make time for yourself
  • If possible, find a babysitter and spend time with partner or friends without children
Show and Tell
The Toddler Survival Guide - Complete Protection from the Whiny Unfed
Buzzfeed Parents - Writers share both helpful and comical posts. They are good for a laugh, as well as offer helpful advice.
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Understanding ADHD - Episode 33 with Brendan Mahan

1/24/2018

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Defining ADHD
  • Developmental disorder
  • Neurological
  • Brain of person with ADHD is not developing as quickly as typical brain
  • Symptoms
    • Attention
    • Not deficit of attention, more inability to regulate attention
    • struggle to pay attention to what they need to pay attention to
    • Can be inattentive rather than hyperactivity
    • difficulty with planning
    • can have trouble regulating emotions
    • trouble recognizing time
Warning Signs of ADHD
  • At preschool level it is the degree signs are showing ex. Preschool children have trouble sitting for longer period of time, if a child is having a much harder time for that age then could be an indicator
  • Is child harming themselves or others at preschool?
  • Other things could look like ADHD ex. child experienced trauma and is now acting out
  • Not getting enough sleep could lead child to exhibit symptoms that look like ADHD
Benefits of Early Intervention
  • Skill building
  • Parental skills important during preschool years and teaching children how to manage their environments
    • Understand the impact of your body language
  • Often another diagnosis can accompany ADHD ex. anxiety and opposition defiance disorder
  • Diagnosis can help school plan for student and address needs
  • Can get IEP or 504 for elementary school to get support if needed for the child
Evaluating for ADHD
  • Start with pediatrician
  • Pediatrician can either start process or refer you to someone who specializes in ADHD
Treatment for ADHD
  • ADHD coaches can help children and parent with skill building
  • Coaches can help explain reasons for behavior
  • Parents then can better understand how they can support their child
  • Set realistic and clear expectations for children
  • Want to create positive rather than negative consequences
  • Should be careful about medicating too young
  • Medication could be appropriate if child could harm self or others without it
  • When medication is used, should be part of larger plan with strategies
  • Medication does not teach skills
Making Environment ADHD Friendly
  • Clear expectations ex. On way to store tell child on the way there they should be 3 steps from cart at all times. Indicate what consequence will be if not followed. When you arrive at the store, go over expectations again
  • Use counting ex. I need two boy to brush their teeth by the time I count to 6
  • Break down tasks ex. Pick up everything that is blue 
Starting Preschool
  • Look for structured, loving and nurturing environment
  • Structured important for children to know expectations and to know what success looks like
  • Also want compassion towards them when they do make mistakes
Strengths of ADHD
  • Can be very creative
  • Can make connections other people don’t make
  • Brains work very fast 
  • Are often charismatic 
  • Encourage parents to try new adventures and things
Show and Tell
  • Dopamine helps you be engaged and want to do stuff
  • ADHD brain does not have enough
  • Can make small tasks harder
  • Encouraging words can help give that dopamine
  • Arguments also provide dopamine
  • ADHD Essentials Website and Podcast

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Family Dinner - Reboot Episode 32

1/9/2018

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Importance of Family Dinner
  • Research shows regular family dinner boost physical and mental health of children
  • Positive benefits for children include
    • Consume healthier diet
    • healthier body weight
    • Eating disorder chances go down
    • Grades Improve
    • Role modeling good behavior
    • Positive, fun conversations boost vocabulary
    •  Are more willing to try new foods
  • Family meal times conversations have been found to be even more critical than books for vocabulary development

Successful Family Dinners
  • Keep dinner conversation positive
  • You want the dinner table a place where kids want to be
  • Dynamic is different in every family
  • Breakfast or dessert could be the meal you have together because you are all there in the morning or late evening
  • Could just be a special Sunday dinner each week
  • Food is tasty and nutritious and everyone is happy to be together
  • Television and devices should be off

Obstacles to Family Dinners
  • Conflcting Schedules
  • Distractions with technology
  • No plans for dinner
  • Different food preferences
  • Picky eaters

Getting Started with Family Dinners
  • Have a well stocked pantry for last minute meals 
  • Use a meal planner 
  • Have a shopping list (Liz has aisle by aisle guide)
  • Can freeze ingredients
  • Can preslice ingredients

Staples for the Pantry
  • Vegetable or chicken broth 
  • Canned beans
  • Frozen peas or carrots
  • Alphabet pasta
  • Canned tuna or salmon
  • Frozen Raviolii
  • Pasta sauce
  • Greens in the fridge like baby spinach
  • Always want to have vegetables ready can be frozen or canned

Time Saving Tips
  • Take pressure off
  • It is okay to have convenience food, but round them off
  • If you are serving frozen pizza, what can you add ex. Salad, steam broccoli with olive oil and parmesan
  • Compare labels for things like fish sticks
  • Could have frozen corn or peas with olive oil as side dish to mix convenience with fresh

Meal Ideas
  • Tacos
    • Sauté lean ground meat, turkey or meat free crumbles
    • add other ingredients such as black beans, corn, cilantro
    • Salsa 
    • Shredded cheese
    • Tortilla or taco shell
    • Then can put out additional toppers
  • Cheese Omelette
  • Breakfast for dinner can be hit with children
  • Build your own pizza and put different toppers out to add

Picky Eaters
  • Serve food family starter
  • Children get excited to scoop out their own food
  • Cooking with your children 
  • Some children it takes longer
  • Can use “No thank you bite” 
  • Incorporate play - 3 pennies - each child has to use a penny on saying something positive
  • Make your own smoothie challenge

Links
Liz's Healthy Table Website
Liz' Healthy Table Podcast
Super Healthy Kids

Baby Steps Dietician
Real Mom Nutritionwww.realmomnutrition.com
​



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Let Them Eat Dirt? Episode 29

11/14/2017

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Problems with oversanitizing
  • Research is showing that bacteria and microbes train our immune system
  • Need to shift how we view microbes
What are microbes
  • Living organisms
  • Cannot see with naked eye
  • Include fungi, bacteria, viruses
  • live with huge zoo of them that live in intestines
  • New research showing how important microbes are
  • Born without microbes
  • Help us digest food
  • Involved in communicating with immunes system
  • Encountering fewer microbes today and different microbes

Rise of New Diseases and Conditions
  • Increase in allergies, diabetes, autism and other auto immune disorders
  • Correlation in decrease in infection diseases such as measles, tb, but increase in “western diseases”
  • As we clean up our world to get rid of dangerous designees, have destroyed good microbes as collateral damage
  • big increases in food allergies

Benefits of Being Outside
  • Encounter more microbes when outside
  • Will get dirtier and be healthier
  • Many other benefits of being outside

Washing Hands
  • Very effective after we eat, after bathroom, when sick or have contact with someone sick
  • Do not need to wash hands just because the hand is dirty
  • Experiments found that alcohol based cleaners are not more effective than soap and water
  • Do not need anti-bacterial soap or hand sanitizer
  • Anti bacterial products sell better and more products are advertising it
  • Anti bacterial products can be detrimental to health
  • Triglycine in many toothpastes, and has been banned in many countries

Foods
  • Bacteria are there because you feed them
  • Find ways of metabolizing whatever food they can
  • big changes in what humans are eating
  • Fiber often reduced in grains we are eating today
  • Before refrigeration used more fermented foods which provided microbes
  • Increasing fiber and fermented foods is good for body
  • Probiotics are not regulated at all
  • Only have to prove they are safe, but do not know how 
  • There are good probiotics, but hard to distinguish them
  • pickled and preserved vegetables 

The Five Second Rule
  • In busy public places like metro station, mall, should wash with soap and water before putting something back in child’s mouth
  • Would feel more comfortable if something falls in the home or at someone’s house where you know someone is not really sick 
  • Walking and hiking can just brush off 

Antibiotics
  • They are overprescribed today
  • 60% receive antibiotics for viral infections that they do not help
  • watch and wait approach works well
  • 8 out of 10 ear infections are viral
  • Babies that are really young should still give antibiotic
  • Doctors revisiting when to give antibiotic
  • Ointments and creams have smaller effect, but usually are not necessary
  • Question is do you really need it?
Pets
  • Dogs can decrease allergies in children
  • Transferring microbes to children which can be really helpful
  • Want to make sure that the pet is healthy and receiving regular care from a vet
  • Not the same benefit for cats
Vaccinations
  • Very specific strategies to try to avoid infection
  • Antibiotics kill many things, while vaccine is much more targeted 
  • Vaccine have been only measure to avoid really bad infections and are the safest measures to do it
  • Vaccines help prevent child from getting antibiotics later. Ex. If develop whooping cough will have to take really strong antibiotics. 
  • Flu shots is effective for our own benefit, but also helps protect children and elderly people who cannot get it

Show and Tell
Let Them Eat Dirt Website
Let them Eat Dirt Book


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The Importance of High Quality pre-K

11/1/2017

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Dr. Suzanne Bouffard, Author of the Most Important Year: Pre-Kindergarten and the Future of our Children, joins us to discuss her research studying pre-K classrooms, and why high quality programs are so valuable to children and families.

Benefits of Attending PreK

  • First 5 years of life are fastest time for brain development
  • Brain more flexible and pliable than at any other age, gets rid of pathways not being used
  • Social and emotional capabilities to help them be successful in school just as important as cognitive skills
  • Children on average are more successful if they have gone to high quality PreK
  • Less likely to be held back and placed in special education if attended PreK
  • Cost-benefit studies have found that for every dollar invested in high quality preschool, country saves $3-10 over the long-term 
  • Benefits for peers of children who attended preschool - More kids have the skills to function successful in the classroom
  • Children learn how to wait and listen
  • No matter how well teach at home to be self-regulated, cannot simulate the classroom environment
  • Taps into natural curiosity of children
  • Environments are set up for children to thrive
Quality PreK
  • Develop Curiosity in Kids
  • Teach children how to think about problems
  • Think about how things work
  • Try new things
  • Experience and understand what they are learning ex. walk through a garden and really understand the parts of plants
  • Learn how to be part of a group
  • Teach routines such as waiting their turn
  • Opportunity for children to learn independence
  • Not about controlling children, but teaching skills to help children learn to self-regulate
  • Helps children learn to exert strategies later on their own and will not have to rely on external reinforcements
  • Help develop cognitive skills in the context of getting excited about learning and self-regulation
  • Meet children where they are
Benefits of Play
  • Children retain more when they learn through play, especially scaffolded play
  • Asking kids questions while playing
  • Pretend play is a fun way to teach a lot of cognitive skills
  • Helps a lot with self-regulation skills
  • When you take on a role, need to take on expectations of that role ex. Child who is the food server will learn to bring the food over and customer learns to wait for food
  • Help other children learn social expectations and then learn to regulate themselves
  • Pretend play can also help with impulse control and waiting
  • Stephanie Carlson’s study “What Would Batman Do” showed that when children were given a role as a character were able to wait longer and had more impulse control. Kids have distance and can step away from the situation and are less tempted
  • When children have distance from a situation, and can step away from the situation, they are less tempted​
Play vs. Academic Preschools
  • Does not need to be either academic or play-based
  • Strongest prediction of reading comprehension is background knowledge
  • Greater vocabulary and knowledge of word leads to better comprehension
  • Need challenges to meet them where they are 
  • Focus on fundamentals rather than outcomes
  • Word play really important - play with rhymes and alliteration
Engaging Children at Home
  • Have children express needs in words 
  • Help develop strategies for waiting
  • How to work out conflicts
  • Give children language to use when someone is unkind
  • Teachers can give parents strategies they can try at home
  • Encourage curiosity
  • Teach children to notice things in their environment ex. what do you think will happen next?
  • Everyday challenges - count stairs as you go up and down, pointing out when you see something that start with a letter of their name
Show and Tell
  • Take a look at teachers when touring preschool
  • Do they look happy, are they engaging the children?
  • What are the children in the classroom doing?

The Most Important Year - Pre-Kindergarten and the Future of Our Children by Suzanne Bouffard
The Batman Effect: What My Research Shows about Pretend Play and Executive Functioning by Stephanie Carlson


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Early Entry to Kindergarten - Episode 27 (Season 2 Premiere)

10/17/2017

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Requirements for Early Entry
  • The age of entry for kindergarten varies by state. In North Carolina the cut-off date is 5 by August 31
  • There is an early entry process families can go through for children who do not make the cut-off
  • IQ  and achievement testing are required for early entry
  • Testing must be done privately
  • Child must score 98% percentile for IQ, and 98% for reading or math
  • Parents must submit a portfolio work samples and letters of recommendation 
  • The individual school ultimately makes the final decision as to who is admitted 
Advantages
  • Staying with peer group
  • Can benefit children who are academically advanced
  • Children can get frustrated when they are not being challenged
  • Some bright kids can burn out or have behavior problems because they are bored
Potential Problems
  • Important to look at social and behavioral development of the child
  • If a child has trouble sitting through activities, he or she may not be ready yet
  • Child not have the impulse control
  • Could have problems settling in 
  • Testing should include social/emotional factors ex. how did child separate from parents, could they sit still
Long Term Considerations
  • NC considers early entry the same as skipping a grade
  • Worth considering how your child feel feel about possibly being a year or two younger than classmates
  • How will they feel if they are physically smaller than classmates?
  • How will it impact there social life later on?
  • How will your child feel about being around older kids?
  • Some children like being the oldest child in the class, whereas others prefer to be around older peers
Birthdate of Child
  • Further you get from the cut-off could be more difficult it can be for a child to start early
  • Testing can give you a fuller picture of the child and help see if they would be successful 
  • Some communities have a lot of kids who are redshirting 
Preparing Your Child
  • There are reading and math websites that can give information to help prepare your child for testing
  • Incorporate math and literacy into every day life ex. talking about what you see when you are at the grocery store
  • Inform the teacher that you are planning on starting early
  • Children usually enjoy the testing process
  • Explain to child that they will be going in to play games and give their mind a workout
Discuss the process with your child
  • Keep it simple and share information you know in a child friendly way
  • Try not to share your stress with them
  • Can validate disappointments if they are not going to kindergarten
  • Let them know fun things they can look forward to for the year
Show and Tell
  • Visit your county website for specific process for early entry
  • Dr. Wynns has a new book called New Wimpy Parenting
  • Tips and strategies for parents to bring power authority back to parents
  • Improve listening and cooperation
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Episode 26 - Sibling Relationships

6/23/2017

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What does peaceful parenting mean
  • Commit to not doing harm
  • There will always be conflict and drama with children, but parents goal is to not add to the drama
  • Calm ourselves down first
  • Practice technique in less stressful situations and you will be more likely to have success when big things happen
  • Remind yourself it is not an emergency and it will be okay
 
Example Situation: A child hits his brother
  • First tend to child that got hurt
  • Assess what has caused the child to be angry
  • Need to calm child down before anything productive can happen
  • Could involve child who hit in the repair ex. Can get the icepack for brother
  • Should not force apologies, rather focus on repairing the relationship
  • Research has shown that when one person has been forced into a relationship it does not help the relationship, and in fact often hurts it
  • More meaningful when child sees how they has hurt the other person
  • Can validate feelings of the child who hit (ex. It is hard to always have to share with your brother) but then talk about why hitting is never okay
  • Talk about what child could say to his brother next time when he is upset and better ways to handle situation
  • Discuss ways they can repair the relationship with his brother ex. What could you do to get your brother to trust you again?
  • Child should want to repair the relationship and see that they can heal the damage that they have done
 
Preventive Maintenance
  • According to research most important thing is to have good relationship with each child
  • Parents love is a scarce resource to child
  • If parent is always criticizing a child and is always reprimanding, that child will have worst relationship with siblings
  • Better parent relationships with each child, better sibling relationships
  • Concentrate on fully accepting each child
  • Spend one-on-one time with each child every day that is unstructured, play Legos, dolls, shoot hoops, dig in sandbox
    • Let child dictate the play and follow their lead
  • Roughhousing – getting kids to laugh releases oxytocin and changes body chemistry. It reduces stress hormones in the body and child is more at ease and happy.
    • Can roughhouse with multiple children at once. Ex. You can be the scary monster chasing after the children and they are a team trying to get away
  • Add play – ex.Put yourself into situation….”How come I am always the last one in the door.” It can help lighten the tone
 
Sharing
  • #1 reason for fights
  • May not just be about object fighting about, can also be about parents love
  • Want to encourage children to want to be generous rather than forcing to share
  • Teach them how good it feels to share
  • We are communal species and wired to feel good to give something to somebody
  • Forcing to share can make them resentful
  • Also problematic to just give it to child who has item first
  • Parents often use things like ten minute timers for turns, but that can be problematic too
    • Often not enough time for child to enjoy toy
    • Playing deeply is what really matters and where real creativity comes from
    • Teaches that pleading more gets them the toy faster
  • One child often feels like winner and other loser which creates more tension between siblings
  • Parents should explain policy ahead of time
  • Can ask child when they will be ready to give it to sibling
  • Older kids rule can be one child gets whole day, younger child rule can be until next event ex. After lunch you will get it
  • Sibling will feel delight giving the item
  • Will learn it is okay to cry, but does not mean I will always get my way
  • Learn "I can distract myself to manage my own emotions"
  • Everyone has to wait their turn, but so does my sibling and I like the giving and receiving
  • I can enjoy my toy and nobody will take it when it is my turn
 
When should we jump in?
  • Parents jumping in can cause more fighting
  • Found less powerful child was not standing up for self
  • Not intervening can be allowing one child to bully another
  • Parents should intervene in a different way
  • Teach to express selves without attacking
  • Find win-win solutions
  • Help children learn skills to you do not have to jump in as much later
  • Even 3 year olds want to work things out in a positive way
 
Additional Resources
  • Aha Parenting
  • Newsletter
  • Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings
  • Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids

 
Show and Tell
  • All starts with you
  • Be emotionally generous to yourself
  • Speak kindly to yourself
  • When you fail, forgive yourself
  • Love yourself  What does peaceful parenting mean
  • Commit to not doing harm
  • There will always be conflict and drama with children, but parents goal is to not add to the drama
  • Calm ourselves down first
  • Practice technique in less stressful situations and you will be more likely to have success when big things happen
  • Remind yourself it is not an emergency and it will be okay
  •  
    Example Situation: A child hits his brother
  • First tend to child that got hurt
  • Assess what has caused the child to be angry
  • Calm child down before anything productive can happen
  • Could involve child who hit in the repair ex. Can get the icepack for brother
  • Should not force apologies, rather focus on repairing the relationship
  • Research has shown that when one person has been forced into a relationship it does not help the relationship, and in fact often hurts it
  • More meaningful when child sees how they has hurt the other person
  • Can validate feelings of the child who hit (ex. It is hard to always have to share with your brother) but then talk about hitting is never okay
  • Talk about what child could say to his brother next time when he is upset and other ways to handle situation
  • Discuss ways they can repair the relationship with his brother ex. What could you do to get your brother to trust you again?
  • Child should want to repair the relationship and see that they can heal the damage that they have done
  •  
    Preventive Maintenance
  • According to research most important thing is to have good relationship with each child
  • Parents love is a scarce resource to child
  • If parent is always criticizing a child and is always reprimanding, that child will have worst relationship with siblings
  • Better parent relationships with each child, better sibling relationships
  • Concentrate on fully accepting each child
  • Spend one on one time with each child every day that is unstructured, play Legos, dolls, shoot hoops, dig in sandbox
    • Let child dictate the play and follow their lead
  • Roughhousing – getting kids to laugh releases oxytocin and changes body chemistry. It reduces stress hormones in the body and child is more at ease and happy.
    • Can roughhouse with multiple children at once. Ex. You can be the scary monster chasing after the children and they are a team try to get away
  • Add play – ex. Taunting – Put yourself into situation….”How come I am always the last one in the door.” It can help lighten the tone
  •  
    Sharing
  • #1 reason fight
  • May not just be about object fighting about, can also be about parents love
  • Want to encourage children to want to be generous rather than forcing to share
  • Teach them how good it feels to share
  • We are communal species and wired to feel good to give something to somebody
  • Forcing to share can make them resentful
  • Also problematic to just give it to child who has item first
  • Parents often use things like ten minute timers for turns, but that can be problematic too
    • Often not enough time to enjoy toy
    • Playing deeply is what really matters and real creativity comes from
    • Teaches that pleading more gets them toy faster
  • One child often feels like winner and other loser which creates more tension between siblings
  • Parents should explain policy ahead of time
  • Can ask child when they will be ready to give it to sibling
  • Older kids rule can be one child gets whole day, younger kid until next event ex. After lunch you will get it
  • Sibling will feel delight giving the item
  • Will learn it is okay to cry, but does not mean I will always get my way
  • I can distract myself to manage my own emotions
  • Everyone has to wait their turn, but so does my sibling and I like the giving and receiving
  • I can enjoy my toy and nobody will take it when it is my turn
  •  
    When should we jump in?
  • parents jump in can cause more fighting
  • Found less powerful child was not standing up for self
  • Not intervening can be allowing one child to bully another
  • Parents should intervene in a different way
  • Teach to express selves without attacking
  • Find win-win solutions
  • Help children learn skills to you do not have to jump in as much later
  • Even 3 year olds want to work things out in a positive way
  •  
    Additional Resources
  • Aha Parenting
  • Newsletter
 

     Show and Tell
  • All starts with you
  • Be emotionally generous to yourself
  • Speak kindly to yourself
  • When you fail, forgive yourself
  • Love yourself  
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    Mike Dlott is the the Co-Director of Discovery Child Development Center in Morrisville, NC and the host of the Preschool and Beyond podcast.

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Discovery Child Development Center
11000 Lake Grove Blvd.
Morrisville, NC 27560
919-234-0735

email: discoverycdcenter@gmail.com
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