Children with Challenging Behaviors
Episode 20
All children can exhibit challenging behaviors at times. Most parents of toddlers and preschoolers can relate to children becoming upset at bedtime, or when someone takes the toy they really wanted to play with. There are, however, some children who have a much harder time regulating their emotions. They get frustrated easily, and have a hard time being flexible.They often do not respond as well to traditional parenting methods, and are prone to frequent tantrums and outbursts. In his Book The Explosive Child, New York Times Best Selling Author Dr. Ross Greene discusses strategies for supporting children who fit this description. Dr. Greene joins us today to talk about parenting behaviorally challenging preschoolers. COMMON MISTAKES PARENTS AND CAREGIVERS MAKEThey rely too heavy on power and control and incentive
Believe it is result of poor parenting
Biggest mistake is using an intervention that is not working
Methods that work for some of your children, may not work well for another childPREVENTING OUTBURSTSMake a list of all the expectation children reliably having a hard time meeting
Outbursts are predictable if we figure out what unsolved problems are causing outbursts
Expectations children are reliably having a hard time meeting are outbursts waiting to happen
What can be done to keep it from happening
Solved problems do not cause outburstsTANTRUMSDefuse, de-escalate, keep everyone safe in the moment
Then figure out what caused the outburst
Was the trigger of it on the list
Figure out if it is an expectation you should work on with that child
CREATING A SUPPORTIVE ENVIRONMENTParents and caregivers understand that it is lagging skills rather than motivation
Do not place demands on the child that you know will make them loose their mind
Work proactively with child to solve problem
Do not look down on children having difficulty meeting expectation
PREPARING FOR NEW SITUATIONSCan the child handle the expectation
How can we get child through the situation without an outburst
Explosions and outburst do not add value to the learning curve
COLLABORATIVE PROBLEM SOLVING FRAMEWORKMake list of unsolved problems
Prioritize list and figure out what you want to address now and what to set aside for now
What is set aside becomes Plan C - An expectation that has been removed and will not be asked of the child
Plan A - Solving the problem unilaterally by the adult
Do not use Plan A with CPS model
Plan B use to solve problems collaboratively with child
Child is full participant in the process of what is making expectation hard to meet
Figure out why the expectation is hard to meet
Solution together that meets concerns of both parties
3 steps to Plan B
Step 1 - Empathy step - Caregiver gather information from child about concerns and perspective
Step 2 - Define Adult Concern - what has previously led to Plan A is addressed here
Step 3 - Find Solution Together - Addresses concerns of both parties
People too often come up with solutions that only address one person’s concern, both must be addressed
Solutions need to be realistic
All comes down to concerns and solutions that will address those concerns
First solution does not always work out, and then go back and work together on a new solutionUSING CPS WITH PRESCHOOLERSDoes the child have ability to express concern with words
If not, need to find another way to communicate with child such as pictures, hand signals
Lots of ways to get information from a child even if they do not have the words for it
Can still participate in Plan B even with limited vocabulary MODELING PROBLEM SOLVINGBe less punitive and unilateral
Led them know you are bound and determined to hear and address their concerns
Biggest child complaint is parent’s don’t listen
Parent’s biggest complain is that children don’t talk to them
When we are collaborative, we are fostering communication and relationships
Unilateral and punitive parenting leads to less communication from the childLIVES IN THE BALANCELots of resources for caregivers of behaviorally challenging kids
Advocate for children
Addressing systemic issues of children falling through the cracksSHOW AND TELLThe single most important thing any caregiver to do for struggling child - LISTEN. When we listen we often hear things we haven’t heard before. Children will help solve problems if we are willing to listen. They will also start listening to your concerns as well.
Believe it is result of poor parenting
Biggest mistake is using an intervention that is not working
Methods that work for some of your children, may not work well for another childPREVENTING OUTBURSTSMake a list of all the expectation children reliably having a hard time meeting
Outbursts are predictable if we figure out what unsolved problems are causing outbursts
Expectations children are reliably having a hard time meeting are outbursts waiting to happen
What can be done to keep it from happening
Solved problems do not cause outburstsTANTRUMSDefuse, de-escalate, keep everyone safe in the moment
Then figure out what caused the outburst
Was the trigger of it on the list
Figure out if it is an expectation you should work on with that child
CREATING A SUPPORTIVE ENVIRONMENTParents and caregivers understand that it is lagging skills rather than motivation
Do not place demands on the child that you know will make them loose their mind
Work proactively with child to solve problem
Do not look down on children having difficulty meeting expectation
PREPARING FOR NEW SITUATIONSCan the child handle the expectation
How can we get child through the situation without an outburst
Explosions and outburst do not add value to the learning curve
COLLABORATIVE PROBLEM SOLVING FRAMEWORKMake list of unsolved problems
Prioritize list and figure out what you want to address now and what to set aside for now
What is set aside becomes Plan C - An expectation that has been removed and will not be asked of the child
Plan A - Solving the problem unilaterally by the adult
Do not use Plan A with CPS model
Plan B use to solve problems collaboratively with child
Child is full participant in the process of what is making expectation hard to meet
Figure out why the expectation is hard to meet
Solution together that meets concerns of both parties
3 steps to Plan B
Step 1 - Empathy step - Caregiver gather information from child about concerns and perspective
Step 2 - Define Adult Concern - what has previously led to Plan A is addressed here
Step 3 - Find Solution Together - Addresses concerns of both parties
People too often come up with solutions that only address one person’s concern, both must be addressed
Solutions need to be realistic
All comes down to concerns and solutions that will address those concerns
First solution does not always work out, and then go back and work together on a new solutionUSING CPS WITH PRESCHOOLERSDoes the child have ability to express concern with words
If not, need to find another way to communicate with child such as pictures, hand signals
Lots of ways to get information from a child even if they do not have the words for it
Can still participate in Plan B even with limited vocabulary MODELING PROBLEM SOLVINGBe less punitive and unilateral
Led them know you are bound and determined to hear and address their concerns
Biggest child complaint is parent’s don’t listen
Parent’s biggest complain is that children don’t talk to them
When we are collaborative, we are fostering communication and relationships
Unilateral and punitive parenting leads to less communication from the childLIVES IN THE BALANCELots of resources for caregivers of behaviorally challenging kids
Advocate for children
Addressing systemic issues of children falling through the cracksSHOW AND TELLThe single most important thing any caregiver to do for struggling child - LISTEN. When we listen we often hear things we haven’t heard before. Children will help solve problems if we are willing to listen. They will also start listening to your concerns as well.
