Episode 40- Developing your child's yes brain

Dr. Tina Payne Bryson returns to discuss the book she has co-written with Dr. Dan Siegel, "The Yes Brain: How to Cultivate Courage, Curiosity, and Resilience in Your Child." 

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Developing a Yes Brain

Episode 40

​The Yes Brain vs No Brain

• The book is not about always saying yes to a child
• 2 states in which brains and nervous systems are in 
• Our bodies can respond to how we are feeling before we are aware of it
• The brain is either in reactive mode - No Brain
• Receptive or open state - Yes Brain
• As parents we can be yes brain or no brain parents
• The way we communicate with children shapes their brain
• Yes brains are resilient, creative and curious
• They can handle disappointments, whereas a no brain can be rigid or shutdown, anxious, afraid to try new things

Pillars of Success

• Society has emphasis on achievement as success
• Some children achieve, but do not have an internal compass
• BRIE - BALANCE RESILIANCE INSIGHT EMPATHY
• Need emotional regulation, or balance to stay in the “green zone”
• Parents need to try to remain in the green zone themselves
• Do not want to bubble wrap kids
• If we want children to be resilient, they need to practice things that are difficult
• With support, we can help build their emotional muscle
• Can then have empathy for others who are going through a tough time

Pushin' vs. Cushion

• We want to push to expand capacity
• If we push too far though, nervous system will be stressed and send them into reactivate state
• This leads to more constriction in capacity
• They will have bigger green zone as they grow up
• Track how they are doing
• With support can I keep the child in the green zone?
• Key is how much support and cushion we will give them ex. Let’s take 3 steps closer or stay for just 5 minutes
• Provide scaffolding
• If they are a little comfortable, but you are there with them, they will learn to tolerate being uncomfortable and that helps change their brain

Becoming Aware of Feelings

• Reactive feelings are not always a choice
• Give children the language and words for their feelings
• Teach them strategies for when they are feeling big emotions they have difficulty handling 
• We can teach children about their brain
• Can teach breathing strategies
• We can teach children about green and red zone 
• Reactive behavior is not necessarily a child’s choice, they are communicating they are not in control and need help and support
• When children are acting reactively, they need support and empathy. Ex. I see you are having a hard time, how can I help you calm down?

Additional Strategies

• Adults need to take care of themselves ex. sleep, finding time for our selves
• Trying to keep ourselves in the green zone as much as we can
• When you make a mistake as a parent, it is an opportunity to talk about it with your child and learn from it
• Showing how to repair a relationship is important
• Children need to learn that sometimes relationships have ruptures, but there are ways to fix them
• Teach empathy when another child is having a hard time
• Can ask them what they think is the cause of that behavior
• Show them empathy when they need it

Show and Tell

• Be present
• Allow child to express feelings
• Take care of ourselves so we can stay in the green zone​

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