Developing a Yes Brain
Episode 40
The Yes Brain vs No Brain
Pushin' vs. Cushion
- The book is not about always saying yes to a child
- 2 states in which brains and nervous systems are in
- Our bodies can respond to how we are feeling before we are aware of it
- The brain is either in reactive mode - No Brain
- Receptive or open state - Yes Brain
- As parents we can be yes brain or no brain parents
- The way we communicate with children shapes their brain
- Yes brains are resilient, creative and curious
- They can handle disappointments, whereas a no brain can be rigid or shutdown, anxious, afraid to try new things
- Society has emphasis on achievement as success
- Some children achieve, but do not have an internal compass
- BRIE - BALANCE RESILIANCE INSIGHT EMPATHY
- Need emotional regulation, or balance to stay in the “green zone”
- Parents need to try to remain in the green zone themselves
- Do not want to bubble wrap kids
- If we want children to be resilient, they need to practice things that are difficult
- With support, we can help build their emotional muscle
- Can then have empathy for others who are going through a tough time
Pushin' vs. Cushion
- We want to push to expand capacity
- If we push too far though, nervous system will be stressed and send them into reactivate state
- This leads to more constriction in capacity
- They will have bigger green zone as they grow up
- Track how they are doing
- With support can I keep the child in the green zone?
- Key is how much support and cushion we will give them ex. Let’s take 3 steps closer or stay for just 5 minutes
- Provide scaffolding
- If they are a little comfortable, but you are there with them, they will learn to tolerate being uncomfortable and that helps change their brain
- Reactive feelings are not always a choice
- Give children the language and words for their feelings
- Teach them strategies for when they are feeling big emotions they have difficulty handling
- We can teach children about their brain
- Can teach breathing strategies
- We can teach children about green and red zone
- Reactive behavior is not necessarily a child’s choice, they are communicating they are not in control and need help and support
- When children are acting reactively, they need support and empathy. Ex. I see you are having a hard time, how can I help you calm down?
- Adults need to take care of themselves ex. sleep, finding time for our selves
- Trying to keep ourselves in the green zone as much as we can
- When you make a mistake as a parent, it is an opportunity to talk about it with your child and learn from it
- Showing how to repair a relationship is important
- Children need to learn that sometimes relationships have ruptures, but there are ways to fix them
- Teach empathy when another child is having a hard time
- Can ask them what they think is the cause of that behavior
- Show them empathy when they need it
- Be present
- Allow child to express feelings
- Take care of ourselves so we can stay in the green zone
